Scoffney Shever

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Scoffney is a grailwarden dwarf bard/rogue in the Dissolution campaign, played by Scott.


While his family continually pushes him into politics, Scoffney is not particularly interested. Fairly apathetic and possessing no work ethic at all, Scoffney tends to wander through life, letting it happen to him as it may.


Not your average dwarf, Scoffney is more slight of build and smiling, sometimes giggling, in presentation. He has Auburn hair and brown eyes.



Born into House Shever, Scoffney tries to deal with them as little as possible. He knows enough not to antagonize family members, but most of them view him as a slacker. This causes some to simply ignore him, while others feel obligated to "rehabilitate" him.

What little drive Scoffney does have is dedicated to the Longfingers Guild. Scoffney knows the location of, and is welcome within, their headquarters in the Undercity. Finding this headquarters, in fact, is a requirement for membership.

Scoffney is a guildsman in the Delver's Guild, giving him access to guild information, library, maproom and waystations. He also gains a 10% discount at Ebbert's Outfitters.

On the rare occasions that Scoffney feels a religious urge, his thoughts tend toward The Lady, a goddess of luck, fate, long shots and last chances. She is also a protection goddess. Jode, the goddess of music, also gets the occasional notice.


Some people Scoffney knows:

  • Gunther Edlund runs the Smoke Shop, a gun and technology store in the North Market. Gunther considers Scoffney to be a good customer, with a fine eye for guns.
  • Chelsean Featherhair, a shoal elf, works as a magical information gatherer for the Longfingers Guild. She is extremely self-serving and uses any of her assets to achieve her goals. While she and Scoffney don't particularly like each other, everything Scoffney knows about magic, he learned from her. She lives in the Longfingers Guild Headquarters.
  • Yul Havan runs Havan's Haven, a barber shop in Midtown, with his daughter Melanope. On the rare occasion Scoffney cares about beard maintenance, Yul is the man to go to. Yul also lets Scoffney perform quietly for the patrons for tips, from time to time.
  • Bleetwiss Hodgewocket joined the Longfingers Guild at the same time Scoffney did. The gnome is extremely interested in exploring the Dungeon, and took up thievery to fund expeditions into it. What little dungeon exploration Scoffney has done has been with him.
  • Motesa Shever was Scoffney's mother, a dwarf who married into House Shever. She died of a drug overdose when he was a boy.
  • Rogad Shever, Scoffney's father, was adopted into House Shever when very young, raised as the son of Miriam Shever and Martell Lerack. Rogad blames Scoffney for his wife's death. Rogad spends most of his time on the Shever Estate in the Nobles' Quarter.
  • Katerina Shever grew up with Scoffney and remains one of the only members of the house who speaks to him, and even then not very often. She is also the granddaughter of Miriam Shever and Martell Lerack, making her Scoffney's cousin. While growing up, only Katerina encouraged his musical pursuits. A talented actor and singer herself, she is a student at the Imperial Conservatory of Music in the Nobles' Quarter. Katerina is thought to be dating Raule Kath, a well-known singer and songwriter from House Kath.
  • Myraeth Tuneweaver, a male shoal elf runs Myraeth's Oddities in Delver Square, the place to buy and sell second hand magic items in Ptolus (although not weapons and armor, nor any newly created items). He is extremely popular with adventurers and knows most of them by name. His inventory changes constantly. The Longfingers Guild has declared both his store and Myraeth himself off-limits to thievery.


  • Nivae Tamelli is easily the greatest bard in Ptolus, though she no longer performs that often. It is said that she has turned down many offers to lead the Knights of the Chord, a martial order dedicated to drawing power from music.
  • The Killraven Crime Syndicate erupted onto the crime scene just over a year ago, in heavy competition with the Balacazar crime family. They have largely ignored the Longfingers Guild so far, but are aggressive, well-funded and not afraid to use magic. Their ruthless leader, Kevris Killraven is rumored to wield powerful magic and rides a nightmare
  • A mysterious pro-technology group known as the Shuul makes the best guns in Ptolus. Scoffney first became aware of them about a year ago when members the Killraven Crime Syndicate began carrying Shuul-made guns. The Shuul also employ agents with a very distinctive look: goggle, mask, lether coats, toolbelts and guns.
  • Recently the ancient airship that is moored to a tall tower on the Shever Estate became operational again. Scoffney has heard that the Shuul helped House Shever get it working.
  • Scoffney sometimes visits the Ghostly Minstrel in Delver's Square, usually looking for an angle to get owner Tarin Ursalatao to let him perform. One night, he saw legendary adventurer Sheva Callister there, and would swear she was joking with a ghost.

Future Advancement

Current: Alchemist (Grenadier) 6/Rogue 6
Most Recent Level: Rogue

Next effective character level (ECL) is 13. Some possibilities:

  • Rogue 7: BAB +1, d8 hit points, 12 skill points. Additional 1d6 sneak attack damage.
  • Alchemist 7: BAB +1, d8 hit points, 6 skill points. Additional 1d6 bomb damage. Additional 3rd level extract.

All characters gain a feat every two levels. His next such feat will come at CL 13. Some of the feats he has the prerequisites for are (there are, of course, others):

  • Vital Strike: Your BAB is now high enough to take this feat, which appears to be legal to use with ranged weapons.
  • Focused Shot: When making a standard attack (but not a full attack), add your Int modifier to damage. (Basically, any time you move, then shoot, you'd get +4 damage.)
  • Iron Will: Scoffney's WIll save sucks. This would make it suck less.
  • Iron Will: Even better.
  • Rapid Reload: Reload a gun or light crossbow with a free action, or a heavy crossbow with a move action. You still need both hands free to do this and reloading still provokes an attack of opportunity.
  • Clustered Shots: When you make multiple attacks in a round, you now sum up the damage of all the shots before the target applies damage reduction.
  • Close Shot: point blank range becomes 60'.
  • Far Shot: Increases range by 50% (100% for thrown weapons).
  • Weapon Focus (Firearms): +1 bonus to attacks with firearms.

Scoffney doesn't have many things the require spending money, so can spend cash on goodies. Some possibilities:

  • His dex is boosted out the wazoo, but many of the Alchemist abilities are based on Intelligence. So a headband of vast intelligence would be useful.
  • Since his Alchemical Allocation extract allows him to gain the effects of a potion without actually drinking it, getting a bunch of potions probably makes sense.
  • Scoffney's Alchemical Weapon ability allows him to infuse weapons or ammunition with a alchemical reagent as a swift action. This consumes the reagent, so is expensive, but can give serious flexibility to ranged attack. Some possibilities.
  • Scoffney can use wands and scrolls containing any spells on the Alchemists formulae list.
  • Though rare, you could probably find some magical guns. These work like any other magical ranged weapons, with the cost being the price of the mundane gun, plus 300gp, plus the cost of the enhancements (see tables). Guns can also take some enhancements not on the list:
    • Magnetic: +1 to hit, +1d6 damage against metal targets or targets in metal armor. (Cost: +1 bonus)
    • Rapid Fire: Load up to six rounds of ammunition. (Cost: +2 bonus)
    • Silent: This firearm makes no noise when it fires. Apply this property to a firearm or ammunition. (Cost: +8,000 gp)
    • Example: A +2 silent rapid fire magnetic frost dragon pistol is considered the equivalent of a +6 weapon (the +2 bonus, +1 for the magnetic, +2 for rapid fire, +1 frost). So the cost would be 250(base gun) + 300 (extra for magical gun) + 72,000 (for the equivalent of a +6 bonus) + 8,000 (for Silent) = 80,550gp.